I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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