Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
