my being single is dangerous.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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