I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
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He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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