Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
