May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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