Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
