You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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