I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
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I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
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I just blew my weed a kiss
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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