he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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