thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
