I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
