I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
