it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
