it's too hot outside to masturbate.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I want to be your penis for a week.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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