I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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