guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
