also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
