so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
