wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
