We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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