i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
