i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
