I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
