omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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