Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Randomize
