im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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