Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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