You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
