When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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