the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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