i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Actions speak louder than pants.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
