so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
