I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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