haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
