You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
