my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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