First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
