I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
