i permit you to call me
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
