You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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