Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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