Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
