im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
