shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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