we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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