Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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