I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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