So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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