My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
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