Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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