i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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