my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
