So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
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