Nicole vs. Life
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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