i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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