he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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