Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize