you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
