So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
