I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
