you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
