were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
