apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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