you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
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FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
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I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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