coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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