I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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