I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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