Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
