Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
