Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
