I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
