i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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