can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
