I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
