ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
