DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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