well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
