dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
