How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
