we have pet lesbian snakes
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
