That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
nutella sex= disaster
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
