I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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