I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
