Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
