I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
