i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
