break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
