i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
