I should be sponsored by Trojan
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
