did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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