by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
